Well, well. I slept the whole day today.
The past couple of weeks have been hell because I hit burnout + my anxiety got triggered thinking about my financial stability (as per usual), fucking my sleeping schedule up alongisde my focus capabilities and my cognitive dexterity.
I feel like I'm a low poly version of myself, running at a very slow frame rate.
Rn, my workload, while crushing for both my body and mind this semester (because of a variety of factors), doesn't pay me enough to conside being an independent adult again. And next semester my workload is probably gonna be minimal and I basically won't be earning an income...
I've been pondering, should I give up teaching to get an office job again? I don't want to, because I know I like teaching and I hate office jobs... plus, my brain is not wired for those. My therapist agrees office jobs are not the type of environment for me to thrive in, teaching is way better, but the right path for me would be something where I either produce something myself or I oversee a process; I think that's why I like teaching, because I see it as a process.
I thought about having a very small ghost taqueria at home as other people tend to do here, but when I discussed the idea with my dad, he reminded me my mental and physical energy are very limited so it was better to make use of my current abilities, the "intellectual" ones where my body doesn't go through stress... and it's when I went "OH FUCK IDK HOW TO DO SHIT, I'M USELESS.
I spent a couple of nights reading about web dev, web design, back-end engineering... because long time ago, with AI, I dropped ever considering getting into motion design as I envisioned time ago, thinking it was gonna just stay as a hobby, so IT-adjacent jobs were probably gonna be my only realistic choice as of now...
But, login back into Domesika again to see all the courses I left unfinished, made me remember how much I like seeing shapes and colors flowing and interacting. That's why I like abstract art and motion graphics, I guess...
And I think I resolved: I want to be a teacher by day and an artist by night. It really feels like what I want to do.
Next semester, when my workload is more manageable, I'll try to really focus my time on it. For now, I'll do very small efforts when I'm not collapsed, almost passed out in bed.